Velvet Buzzsaw - One of the worst "horror" movies of ALL time
Well hi bitches, I'm not the kind of person who posts two days in a row in like any social media, but I need to talk about this garbage movie. Like, my hopes weren't that high, but oh boy I didn't know it was going to be THAT BAD. When I first saw the trailer, I was like "Oh okay, this might be good" but I was sO WRONG. Here's everything you need to know about this crap.
Basic info
Duration: A painful 1h and 51 min.
Director: Don Gilroy
Production: Netflix
Cast: Zawe Ashow, Rene Russo, Jake Gyllenhaal
Currently streaming on netflix
Plot
After a series of paintings by an unknown artist are discovered, a supernatural force enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art
Opinion
I was casually minding my own business a couple of weeks ago, just going through youtube you know, when out of the blue I came across a trailer for this movie. I clicked on it, and I gotta be honest, it was really good. It was one of those trailers that then the only purpose for it it's to caught viewers attention, and in a way, it worked. It became one of the hottest videos a couple of the days until it tanked like any other video on YouTube. At first at I thought, "This is going to be one of the best movies or one of the worst movie on Netflix" And, sadly it was the second option.
The story it's really confusing. Like, the idea it's really good, but when you watch it, it doesn't have a beginning nor an end to it. To make you remember, an artist dies and his spirit? possesses the paintings he's been working on his entire career as an artist. Something like that. But then all the paintings, whether are his or not, become possessed, Aand they never explained why. They start moving or coming out of their frames, things like that. Which it's a really cool idea that we didn't see enough in Hollywood, but the problem is. THEY ONLY SHOW PAINTINGS LIKE TERRIFYING PEOPLE 5 TIMES IN 2 HOURS. For example, we don't have a demonstration of a painting "moving" until 50 MINUTES IN. Like what the fuck, they did a trailer which showed that like a whole museum was under a curse or something, and then the movie came out and it's the total opposite. I even feel like they promoted a whole different movie. Also, they never talked about what the hELL velvet buzzsaw is. Um, excuse you, I wanna know why the heck did you name the movie that. They only show an tattoo on Rhodora like 3 minutes in, which makes you think that it will bring something important to the story BUT IT NEVER DOES.
The cast, oh boy the cast. It was a whole ass mess. At first, they made it seem like it was a Jake Gyllenhaal movie, as the main character. But the truth is, this movie doesn't have a main character at all. Making this a Gyllenhaal movie was a simple act of getting publicity. The whole cast it's full of nobodies, which I'm all here for supporting new actor or actors that aren't giving that much recognition as they should, but giving all the attention to one actor that doesn't even have that much of screen time as other it's just disrespectful. You know who should be in the poster instead of that man? Zawe Ashow. She's the true protagonist here. She literally it's the one who made it all start, and then Gyllenhaal enters the picture doing nothing. Like, I get iT, he's the one who discovers everything, BUT HE DOES THAT 90 MINUTES IN, LIKE THE MOVIE WAS LITERALLY GOING TO END AND THEN HE APPEARS AS A CRAZY ASS BITCH SAYING WHAT IS HAPPENING. This gotta be one of the STUPIDEST roles he's ever played. And also, they try to make him have a love interest, which I thought it was completely stupid for a movie like this. It didn't need romance, at all. But whatever.
There are a LOT of plot holes too. Like, they didn't finish talking about one person, immediately cut to a whole different scene. There are a lot of extra characters, like Piers. They made it seemed like it was one of the main cast, but it turned out to be just an extra in a long unnecessary cast. Or the artist himself and his story. Like, there's also a whole battle going on because of his paintings, AND THEY N E V E R EXPLAINED WHY. I get it they thought they were masterpieces, but DAMN MA IT'S THAT SERIOUS?
One and only thing i liked it's the production and it shows from the first scene. Like, it seems like they've been working for a long time, but it doesn't mean it won't be a flop. Which it totally was. But whatever.
Wrapping it up, one of the worst horror movies at LEAST this decade. Don't watch it, I don't want you to lose your time just like I did.
Rating: 1.5/5
Basic info Duration: A painful 1h and 51 min.
Director: Don Gilroy
Production: Netflix
Cast: Zawe Ashow, Rene Russo, Jake Gyllenhaal
Currently streaming on netflix
Plot
After a series of paintings by an unknown artist are discovered, a supernatural force enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art
Opinion
I was casually minding my own business a couple of weeks ago, just going through youtube you know, when out of the blue I came across a trailer for this movie. I clicked on it, and I gotta be honest, it was really good. It was one of those trailers that then the only purpose for it it's to caught viewers attention, and in a way, it worked. It became one of the hottest videos a couple of the days until it tanked like any other video on YouTube. At first at I thought, "This is going to be one of the best movies or one of the worst movie on Netflix" And, sadly it was the second option.
The story it's really confusing. Like, the idea it's really good, but when you watch it, it doesn't have a beginning nor an end to it. To make you remember, an artist dies and his spirit? possesses the paintings he's been working on his entire career as an artist. Something like that. But then all the paintings, whether are his or not, become possessed, Aand they never explained why. They start moving or coming out of their frames, things like that. Which it's a really cool idea that we didn't see enough in Hollywood, but the problem is. THEY ONLY SHOW PAINTINGS LIKE TERRIFYING PEOPLE 5 TIMES IN 2 HOURS. For example, we don't have a demonstration of a painting "moving" until 50 MINUTES IN. Like what the fuck, they did a trailer which showed that like a whole museum was under a curse or something, and then the movie came out and it's the total opposite. I even feel like they promoted a whole different movie. Also, they never talked about what the hELL velvet buzzsaw is. Um, excuse you, I wanna know why the heck did you name the movie that. They only show an tattoo on Rhodora like 3 minutes in, which makes you think that it will bring something important to the story BUT IT NEVER DOES.
The cast, oh boy the cast. It was a whole ass mess. At first, they made it seem like it was a Jake Gyllenhaal movie, as the main character. But the truth is, this movie doesn't have a main character at all. Making this a Gyllenhaal movie was a simple act of getting publicity. The whole cast it's full of nobodies, which I'm all here for supporting new actor or actors that aren't giving that much recognition as they should, but giving all the attention to one actor that doesn't even have that much of screen time as other it's just disrespectful. You know who should be in the poster instead of that man? Zawe Ashow. She's the true protagonist here. She literally it's the one who made it all start, and then Gyllenhaal enters the picture doing nothing. Like, I get iT, he's the one who discovers everything, BUT HE DOES THAT 90 MINUTES IN, LIKE THE MOVIE WAS LITERALLY GOING TO END AND THEN HE APPEARS AS A CRAZY ASS BITCH SAYING WHAT IS HAPPENING. This gotta be one of the STUPIDEST roles he's ever played. And also, they try to make him have a love interest, which I thought it was completely stupid for a movie like this. It didn't need romance, at all. But whatever.
There are a LOT of plot holes too. Like, they didn't finish talking about one person, immediately cut to a whole different scene. There are a lot of extra characters, like Piers. They made it seemed like it was one of the main cast, but it turned out to be just an extra in a long unnecessary cast. Or the artist himself and his story. Like, there's also a whole battle going on because of his paintings, AND THEY N E V E R EXPLAINED WHY. I get it they thought they were masterpieces, but DAMN MA IT'S THAT SERIOUS?
One and only thing i liked it's the production and it shows from the first scene. Like, it seems like they've been working for a long time, but it doesn't mean it won't be a flop. Which it totally was. But whatever.
Wrapping it up, one of the worst horror movies at LEAST this decade. Don't watch it, I don't want you to lose your time just like I did.
Rating: 1.5/5
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